Icecream: The One True Innuendo
by CrystalSlashlover
Summary: hm...well I notice you like the YGO pairings, but do you accept Conspireshipping BxMxMxR ? Feel free to do whatever you want with them ;D If not, then a HikaruxKaoru one would do fine." I chose Yugioh! A request fic from Silver Star Celine! Enjoy! Yaoi


"hm...well I notice you like the YGO pairings, but do you accept  
Conspireshipping(BxMxMxR)? Feel free to do whatever you want with them ;D

If not, then a HikaruxKaoru one would do fine."

Ice-cream: The One True Innuendo

Conspireshipping for Silver Star Celine

**BakuraxMarik**

** "**&sigh&… So little to do, and so much time… You'd think the great and powerful Tomb Robber would have something to do on a Saturday…" Bakura muttered as he flicked through the channels and lounged on Ryou's-"It's my couch! I dominate it the most!" comments Bakura Me: suuuure it is…-couch, eyes drooping in boredom as he propped his head up with his hand. "Seen it… Seen it… Seen it… Seen-hm?... Nope, seen it. Utter crap… Total crap… So shitty I might throw up… So perverted it grosses _me _out…" he muttered to himself as he kept clicking through stuff.

_Hey, poke'- boys and poke'-girls! Today we have somethin' special! We're going to sing the alphabet! Come on!_

_**A **__is for my little anus!_

_**B **__is for the banana between my big_-click!

"Bleh! I hate poke'mon programs… Who the hell wants to watch that anyway? I mean, everyone knows the guy that runs it is a pervert…" Bakura grumbled.

"Bakura, I'm going out for groceries. Watch the house and try not to make anything explode." Ryou said as he walked to the door, passing the couch on the way.

"Uh-huh." Bakura grunted.

"I'm serious, Bakura. I'm the one that works around here, and feeds and cooks. You could at least try not to have me come home to see most of the apartment in shambles or the fire department or-heck! A worm hole here, alright?"

"Uh-huh."

Ryou sighed a muttered, 'hopeless', before he walked out and locked the door behind him. Bakura flipped through a few more channels, before he sighed heavily and turned it off. Sitting up, he looked to the door and growled.

"Stupid, Hikari. He takes so LONG with these stupid things…" he muttered, standing and walking to the kitchen. "He even forgot to make food… Stupid wench… Now… How do I make a sandwich again?"

**!0 minutes later…**

"For the love of- How the hell did this happen?!" Bakura yelled as he furiously sprayed the fire extinguisher on the burning bread, ham, bacon, cheese, mustard, barbeque sauce, turkey, and chicken sandwich. All he had done was set the stuff messily on top of each other, and, when he put the last part on, he decided to put a nice spark in it, and lit a very small dynamite. What had gone wrong?! WHAT?!

Finally, FINALLY, it was out. He dropped the fire extinguisher, the whole kitchen covered in foam. He stared at the foam covered, and terribly charred food, before he growled and threw it in the trash.

"This is all Ryou's fault." It was then he heard the doorbell ring. "For the love of-… Coming!" he called, walking out of the kitchen. When the bell began to ring repeatedly, a vein popped on his head. "I said I'm coming you fucking piece of dog shit that was then burned somehow and eaten by a baby and then shitted out and- Oh, it's you." Bakura ended, his tone disinterested when he saw Malik's Hikari blinking at him owlishly.

"Er… Yeah… Is Ryou around? We were going to go to a movie that he got the tickets for…" he informed the taller, looking behind him.

Bakura snorted.

"You're about an hour-more like thirty minutes-late caramel ditz. My Hikari already left to go shopping." He said, about to close the door, when said caramel ditz stuck his foot in the way and slipped in.

"Hmph… Well, I'll just hang out here then…" he said, hopping onto the couch and sighing contentedly as he laid back. Bakura stared at him a moment, before he growled,

"Just, WHAT, do you think you're doing?"

"Hm? Sitting. What else?" Marik asked as he tilted his head back, lilac eyes staring into dark chocolate.

'Mm… Chocolate sounds nice right about now… and ice-cream! Vanilla to be exact!' thought Marik, his eyes glazing over at the prospect of a sweet treat.

"Yeah, IN MY SPOT!" he yelled, eyes lighting on fire.

"Mm-hm… Hey, do you have any chocolate bars or something? Or vanilla ice-cream?"

"No chocolate, but we do have vanilla ice-cream… Anyway, get out of my-"

"Thank you! That'll do!" Marik sang as he jumped out of Bakura's spot and waltzed into the kitchen. "The hell?! What happened in here? A maniac didn't know how to cook and started a fire but didn't know how to control a fire extinguisher or something?!" Marik exclaimed, making Bakura growl. "Meh… Well, as long as it doesn't interfere with my ice-cream…"

A bit later, Marik was walking out into the living room with a ice-cream cone in his hand, humming as he licked the ice-cream happily. Bakura stared, having already taken his own spot once more.

"… Why is it soft serve?"

"Hm? Oh! I blended it in the blender and stuff… You know, the one with the nozzle?" Marik asked rhetorically, sitting next to Bakura.

"No."

"It was rhetorical, Yami Bakura."

"The hell? What kind of food is that?"

"… Never mind…" Marik took the remote from the table and turned the TV on and began flicking through the channels. "Seen it… Seen it… Seen it… Seen-Oooh! I love this episode of Ranma ½!" he exclaimed, setting the remote in his lap and smiling as he licked his ice-cream, his pink tongue darting out and tasting it lightly.

Bakura stared at the Hikari for a moment, before he looked to the TV, and then back again.

"… The fuck? This is for kids."

"No, it's not. Malik watches it-"

"Exactly my point."

"-And it's pretty perverted… But there's no yaoi though… Which sucks…" Marik muttered, taking a long lick of his ice-cream. "It sucks HARD." He licked his lips free of the dark residue and sighed, before he smiled and laughed as Ranma swallowed the pill because of his Father. "Ha ha! Serves you right!"

Bakura watched Marik as he laughed and giggled and frowned at the show, his tongue, that _damn _tongue always flicking and licking and savoring and tasting that stupid ice-cream.

'Stupid ice-cream… Stupid tongue… Stop making me think perverted thought's about my accomplice's Hikari! Grah! I just can't stop thinking about that tongue licking something _else_… I'll take ya to the candy shop… I'll let ya like my-Damn!' he thought, his left eye twitching. He could control his growing urges… Yes… He could… He could he could he could he-Marik let his mouth cover an inch of the vanilla soft serve and mouthed it gently, moaning lightly in pleasure, before he closed his lips around it and swallowed, shivering as the cold, slick dessert slithered down his throat-Oh _**fuck**_… That had to have been done on purpose!

'Ugh… His lips… so creamy…' he thought, his perverse thoughts beginning to make his thoughts less articulate than they usually are. 'Ooh, look… creamy ice-cream on his cheek… must LICK!'

Marik squeaked as he was suddenly pushed to the couch, ice-cream still in hand, a warm, slick tongue licking at his cheek, making a blush spread across his cheeks.

"N-n-nani?! Y-yami Bakura! What are you doing?!"

"Mm… Ice-cream tastes so good on you…" was all he replied, his licks turning into wet kisses that trailed towards Marik's lips. Marik felt challenging emotions rise up inside him as he tried to get out of Bakura's tight grip.

"G-get off-mmnnm!" his words were muffled as Bakura kissed him so hard, so deeply. He didn't want this! He didn't like Yami Bakura! He didn't- but his chocolate eyes stared down, glazed with lust, into Marik's lilac eyes, so deep, so demanding... Oh… oh Kami-sama… "_Nng…_" Marik's eyes drooped closed as he surrendered. Soon, he was panting and participating in the kiss as much as he was aloud to, moaning softly.

"Mmm… you're such a good boy…" Bakura whispered to the blushing Hikari.

"M-my ice-cream…" Marik stuttered dazedly, feeling it melt onto his hands and drip. Bakura let his eyes dart to the hand, and took it in his own.

"Forget it… Right now, I think we should focus on… _other _things." Bakura purred, letting his tongue lick slowly and sensually up Marik's middle finger, drawing a groan from the Hikari's suddenly _very_ dry mouth.

**MalikxRyou**

Ryou picked up two different bacon boxes, examining the prices and the amount.

"Hmm… Bacon Heaven or Spirit Bacon?"

"Spirit Bacon is better…" a voice whispered in his ear, making Ryou whip around, his eyes wide. His cheeks immediately darkened at the sight of Mali, his lilac eyes sparkling. "Hey usa-chan…"

"U-usa-ch"

"You look like a bunny with your snow white hair… Pretty pretty snow…" Malik whispered, leaning in close, his warm breath, fanning gently over Ryou's cheeks.

".O-oh…" Ryou stuttered, gulping. "Erm… what brings you here Malik?"

Almost instantly, Malik's mature disposition was traded for a childish smile.

"Hikari said I could go and have fun today! Oooh! Can I help you Usa-chan?" Malik pleaded, latching onto Ryou's arm. "Pleeeeeaaaaase-A?!"

Ryou couldn't help but smile at Malik's behavior. The Yami was so cute- 'Handsome' he thought, blushing faintly-, how could he say no?

"Alright. You can help me shop Malik."

"Wee!" Malik rejoiced, before he dragged Ryou away from the meat section. "Let's get booze!"

"M-malik! I don't let alchohol into my house!"

"Eh?! Why nooooot?!" whined Malik, making big eyes at the Hikari and gaining looks from the other shoppers.

"Because Bakura will go insane and start ranting things that aren't even true! Like, 'The Pharaoh is a dark and evil vampire, and is trying to take over the world for himself!'. And that's definetly not true!"

**Meanwhile…**

"Mwaaaahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" an evil laugh rang out from the upper floor of the Kame Game Shop. The curtains were drawn, and candles glowed eerily, illuminating the smirking, almost insane looking Yami, licking his lips in satisfaction. "Yes… Finally… Finally I have made the perfect plans… The perfect plans for… Conquering my Aibou's senses! It's good to be evil again! MWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAA-itai!" Yami winced as he was smacked on the head with a news paper.

"Yami! How many times have I told you not to laugh manically? And stop closing the curtains!" Yuugi scolded as he pushed open the curtains, making Yami hiss and scramble to the shadows. "Don't give me that! You're NOT a vampire!"

"Bleh!" Yami spat back, showing his fake vampire fangs, hugging the plans close to his chest. "That's what you think Hikari! And I will finally conquer you with my evil, handsome might-Hey!" Yami watched as Yuugi easily took his plans he had slaved over for hours, and burned it with a lighter right in front of his eyes. "NOOOO! WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT TO MY STUFF?!" Yami exclaimed, watching as Yuugi smiled.

"I just do it to your plans Yami."

"But… but… I am the King of Vampires, Aibou! If the others hear about this-"

"There aren't any vampires Yami, and you're not one of them. Now take off your Halloween costume, alright? You can put it back on, on Halloween night." Yuugi said, walking out of the room.

"… Bleh… You will be mine Yuugi, I will suck your blood! Muuuaaaaaaaahahahahaha-HACK! COUGH!-Arg… I gotta stop doing that…"

**Back to Ryou and Mail -.-u**

It had been an hour of Malik asking for things and giving advice on what Ryou had to buy, the snow white Hikari blushing and thanking him. Now, they were standing in front of a stand, Malik hopping up and down happily.

"Oh! Oh! I want a crepe!"

"Alright!" laughed Ryou, paying the suspicious man. "And one vanilla ice-cream with a chocolate crust please."

"Er…. Yeah… Um, is he okay?" the man asked, watching as Malik chanted under his breath, 'Crepes, crepes, give me crepes' over and over.

Ryou sweatdropped.

"Yes. He's always like that… You don't want to see him off his medication…" Ryou shivered at the thought, glancing back at the excited Yami. A little later found the two teens sitting on a bench in the park and eating happily.

"I love crepes! Yay!" Malik cried, before he took a big bite. "Hof's yous?!" he asked, mouth full of food as he turned to look at Ryou.

Ryou purred and took a long lick of his chocolate covered ice-cream, closing his eyes in bliss.

"Fantastic! I haven't had one of these in a while! Kami-sama, I love sugar…" he murmured as he took long, eager strokes out on the chocolate covering. Malik watched, swallowing his food as he viewed a pleasing sight. Ryou swirled his tongue at the tip of the cone , flicking at the tip, before he bit into it, making the vanilla leak out onto the chocolate covering and making him giggle.

'Lucky, lucky ice-cream!' Malik yelled in his mind, glaring at said ice-cream, which he knew was smirking at him. 'You get to be licked and sucked by my Usa-chan! Arrrg! I wanna be the one to be licked and sucked by my Usa-chan!'

Ryou, feeling eyes on him, looked out of the corner of his eye and blushed faintly at seeing Malik's eyes on him. Or, on his ice-cream...

'He couldn't… No, of course not… could he?' he asked himself, before deciding to experiment. He sighed softly, before he let his tongue dip into the vanilla beneath the chocolate covering, retreating and returning repeatedly. This earned a small groan. Ryou's heart skipped a beat as he let his tongue glide down the cone and lick up the trailing vanilla. A soft whine. He had been right! Malik liked it when he did this! Yes! A chance!

Looking at Malik, he gave a questioning, uke glance.

"Malik? Are you alright? You're making such odd noises…" he said, leaning forward, nearer to the Yami, still licking the ice-cream.

"… Usa-chan…"

"Nani?" Ryou whispered his lids lowering as his milk chocolate eyes gleamed into lilac.

"You're doing this on purpose…" Malik said, pouting. Ryou smiled almost wickedly as he suddenly pounced on Malik and purred, making the Yami gasp and blink.

"So what if I am? Gonna do something about it, mate?" he whispered into Malik's ear.

"… _**Fuck**_..." Malik muttered, before he dropped his crepe and lifted his hand to bring Ryou's lips crashing down onto his, earning an appreciative moan from the Hikari.

'Yes! Finally!' Ryou rejoiced as he closed his eyes and held the ice-cream in his hand.

Suddenly, they were both laying on pillows covering a sand bed, Malik straddling Ryou's waist.

"Welcome to the Millenium Rod my pretty pretty…"

"Interesting… Kiss for me?" Ryou whispered, eager to get back to their make-out session.

"Kiss for you anytime…"

**LATER**

Ryou opened the door, a goofy smile on his face, his clothes ruffled, his hair messed, and his cheeks a dark shade of pink. Did I forget to mention he was smiling goofily. Peace. He was at peace, if terribly hurting in the rear. But still, at peace. The sight that greeted him made him blink, before he held back a giggle.

Marik was cuddled up into Bakura and smiling faintly, while Bakura held Marik close and possessively, smirking in his sleep. Both were covered by a blanket thank God. Smiling, Ryou fetched another blanket and covered them up again. Even though his Yami was with his friend, he couldn't find any annoyance or fear inside of him. After all, he had just earned the HOT Egyptian hunk Malik as his boyfriend! Nothing could change his splendid mood! Nothing!

"AAAGH! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BLOODY KITCHEN?!"

**YEASH! DONE IN ONE NIGHT!!**

**YEAH! I finished it!**

**Bakura: But there was no smex!**

**Malik: Yeah! My pretty pretty Usa-chan and I needed smex!**

**Bakura: And what about the food play?!**

**Malik: And the bondage with chains?!**

**Me: Well, I'm working my way up to lemons with YuGiOh okay? This is my first fic for crying out loud! I haven't even watched the whole series yet!**

**Ryou: Aww… &hugs Malik& Calm down… She's just a beginner…**

**Marik: Yeah &takes Bakura's hand& Giver he a break…**

**Both: OR NO SMEX TONIGHT!**

**Yami's: NOOOOOOOO**

**Me: Ja ne!**


End file.
